While the cross dresser battles to come to terms with his transgender nature, it is easy to overlook the impact this has on his wife.
Peggy Rudd, the wife of a cross dresser, has written an excellent book entitled ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes’. In this, she shares her experiences and views on cross dressing from a wife’s perspective. It certainly makes an interesting and worthwhile read.
Take a look at their story here:
It is not uncommon for the wife of a cross dresser to struggle with accepting her husband’s femme persona.
Just think about it … the man she agreed to spend the rest of her life with has introduced a third person into their marriage. To make matters worse, he’s been cross dressing for years and she didn’t even know about it! Surely, it comes as no surprise that feelings of confusion, fear and even embarrassment are to be expected.
But how is she expected to react? Surely she has the right to be a little angry? Or should she remain the pillar of strength that keeps the family together through thick and thin?
Once the wife of a cross dresser has got over the initial shock of her husband’s revelation, she is likely to have some questions. Here are some of the most common ones:
Are you Gay?
This is generally one of the first questions that springs to mind. In actual fact, most cross dressers are heterosexual.
Why Didn’t You Tell Me About It Sooner?
Most cross dressers spend years trying to suppress their feelings in the hope that their crossdressing urges will go away. In reality, they never do and by the time cross dressers realise this, they’re often in relationships and have children. In fear of hurting the people they love, they tend to put it off as long as they can.
Why Do You Cross Dress?
This is a tough question to answer that no-one really knows the answer to. In short, it’s an urge that doesn’t seem to go away.
Why Don’t You Stop Cross Dressing?
This is easier said than done. Most cross dressers will have tried to stop cross dressing at some point in their lives, but it seems that the urge never goes away, so most end up coming back to it.
What’s the Best Way to Deal With It?
Firstly, it’s important to learn as much as you can about cross dressing. Only then can you begin to understand what your husband is going through and try to work with it. You’ll soon find that cross dressers exist in all parts of the world and are faced with the same challenges that you and your husband are. Help and support is available by means of various resources, including websites, forums, literature and support groups. There are also specific communities set up to support the wives, partners, friends and family of cross dressers.
Secondly, communication is key. Talk about how you both feel and what you want. Try to be as open and honest as you can. If you need some time and space to get used to things, make sure you make this clear. Unfortunately, men don’t always pick up the right signals and are known for putting their foot in it. If you’re not entirely comfortable with something, don’t just say that you are for the sake of it. It’s perfectly normal for you to need some thinking time to get your head round the situation.
Thirdly, try not to say anything you may later regret. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to vent your anger by saying things you don’t really mean. Remember, this is also a really difficult time for your husband and he needs your support.
And finally, don’t forget your love for each other. It is this that will help you get through this.
This is, without a doubt, a very testing time and it will certainly throw up some tough challenges. But couples who have worked together through it say that their marriage is much stronger as a result.